Letter of Comment — Spousal Equivalent

My latest letter to the editor leads off the January 22, 2004 issue of The Stranger, titled in their Letters column as “TOM’S CHEW TOY”:

I found the multiple references to City Councilman Tom Rasmussen’s “boyfriend” in the most recent issue curious.

Obviously, he and his company seem to have had an effect on Rasmussen’s campaign beyond that of other candidates’ spouses, and may warrant calling out for that.  And in this era of societal changes regarding gay and lesbian relationships, noting that a gay man is in a relationship is probably a good thing.  [Next sentence edited out of published letter: (But might it maybe have a counter-effect?  Any gay man whose partner isn’t mentioned may get inadvertently tagged as a stereotypical bar-hopping, promiscuous slutboy simply because he isn’t in a relationship “worthy” of mention.)]

I’m most curious, though, about the choice of term: “boyfriend”.  It tends to carry with it a notion of “short term” (months rather than years) and youth vs. adult, and perhaps a “they don’t live together” impermanence.  Is “boyfriend” the term the couple uses for themselves?  [Edited out: (In which case it is unquestionably the best on to use!)]  Or is it part of The Stranger’s editorial style guide when referring to same-sex couples, preferred to terms like husband, [Edited out: fiancé (which would be a man pledged to marry at some future point, even if it’s not possible [not legal] at the current time),] partner, life partner, longterm companion, fuck buddy, sugar daddy, chew toy,… the list goes on.

[Edited out: (Oh well, “boyfriend” is certainly better than the dreaded “roommate”.)]

And the response:

ERICA C. BARNETT RESPONDS: The issue of what to call a gay partner can be a confusing one.  As Rasmussen himself notes, “boy-friend” is often interpreted as “boyfriend du jour,” whereas “‘partner’ tends to convey permanency.”  Nonetheless, Rasmussen says he uses the terms “boyfriend” and “partner” interchangeably when referring to his significant other (and presumably, chew toy), Clayton Lewis, whom he’s been with for 12 years.

Hopefully needless to say, I’m thrilled by any reasonable term being used, and my letter was aimed more to poke fun than to criticize.  And I voted for Rasmussen, too.