Sunday, March 9, 2003

What Were They Thinking?
    — And What are Little Boys Made Of?


“What Were They Thinking?” highlights products and presentations which just don’t make sense.

Only in restaurants in Vancouver, BC, have I found little packages of peanut butter alongside the jelly packets to put on your toast at breakfast.  I approve, though, because I like peanut butter on my toast.

However, consider what is pictured on the jelly packets: grapes on the grape jelly, strawberries on the strawberry jam, oranges on the orange marmalade.  So given this pattern, tell me what the peanut butter is made of.

Is that a cruel thing to do to little kids, or what?

(Does anyone ever eat the orange marmalade?  Okay, I do.  It’s yummy.)





Updated on June 28, 2004
Remixed into Weblog

What Were They Thinking?
    — Glonous Cultual Chcosticks


“What Were They Thinking?” highlights products and presentations which just don’t make sense.

I don’t know what company makes these wooden chopsticks, but you can find them all over the country.  This wrapper came from Las Vegas, and I’ve seen the same one in Seattle.  There’s a stereotype about really bad foreign translations, but this really takes the cake.  Or the mu shu, anyway.

Here is what the text says, in case you can’t make it out from the image:
Welcome to Chinese Restaurant
please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks
the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history.
and cultual.

BAMBOO CHOPSTLCKS
PRODUCT OF CHINA

Tuk under        thurnb
and held firmly

Learn how to use your chopsticks
Add second chcostick
hold it as you hold
a pencil

Hold tirst chopstick
in originai position
move the second one
up and down
Now you can pick
up anything :

PRODUCTOF
CHINA


Updated on June 28, 2004
Remixed into original blog

Updated on December 14, 2009
They have apparently done some updates to this package over time, since I've seen some more recent versions which fixed some (but not all) of the typos.  I wonder if they are from bad OCR software?

What I’m Thinking


I’ve just added a new page to the site, &#ldquo;What Were They Thinking?”  This features objects and advertising bits which make no sense, and which I thus find horribly funny.  I hope you do, too.<


Updated on June 28, 2004
As of June 28, 2004, I have “remixed” the above sequence of pages into the main Weblog.  The original page will become defunct soon.  Here is the header from that page, explaining the purpose of the entries:

Remember the old ad slogan for Tylenol: “Nothing works better than Tylenol”?  Which leaves you thinking “So why use Tylenol if nothing works better than it?”  Every now and then I encounter similar objects and phrases, so I thought I would share them with others&hellip

Bad Song Poetry


I’ve never really been one who enjoys reading poetry, but I do enjoy certain poetic forms when done well (haiku, especially), and by extension, I despise them when they are done poorly.  Song lyrics, of course, are a small subset of poetry, and in most cases, the poetic nature of them tends to just wash on by.  But not always.

One of the few country-western songs that just drives me around the bend is Tim McGraw’s “Don’t Take the Girl” (which I heard on the radio this morning, and thus was made worthy of bitching about here), because of a lyrical line break in the second verse.  There is a term called “enjambment”, dealing with breaking phrases between lines.  When done well, this can add extra depth to a poem.  When done poorly, you get horrors like this:
He kissed her lips in
Front of the picture show
*shudder*  No value is added here, and because of how song lyrics will expand or contract the length and placement of the syllables to go with the music, the word “in” could easily have been shifted to the next line and not broken the prepositional phrase.

What makes this song more notable in this arena, though, is that the third verse does superb enjambment, where the second line of these three works syntactically with both the line before and the line after:
I’ll gladly take her place
If you’ll let me
Make this my last request
For the record, the other two country songs that I utterly despise — but for thematic reasons rather than poetic ones — are Collin Raye’s “That’s My Story (And I’m Sticking to It)” (the “It’s okay to lie to your wife” song) and Reba McEntire’s “She Thinks His Name Was John” (which tells us that casual sex, just once, will give you AIDS and you will die).  Play those and I change the channel; I merely bitch with the Tim McGraw song.



Updated links of March 2, 2011
 

Saturday, March 8, 2003

Letter of Comment
    — To Meet People, You Have to Meet People


Every now and then, I write letters of comment to various places.  (I used to have a long list of where I had written to and which had been published.  Gave that up long ago.)  This week, I managed to have two of them published:

Regarding this article in The Stranger about a school shooting several years ago, I wrote a letter which got printed, titled “Yanked by the Nose.”  (You’ll find it 2/3 of the way down this page.)

Regarding a letter in the “Dear Glenn” advice column in the Seattle Gay News, I sent in a letter about people joining organizations in order to meet people, which he printed.  The column doesn’t seem to be online regularly, so here’s what I wrote (it was slightly edited in the printed form):
Glenn,

Reading Ivan’s letter in the Feb 28 column, I was struck by something which might be worthy of repeating/running a column on/etc.

Ivan spoke of having joined several local groups in the past in search of relationships and/or friends.  We’re often told this by friends: “You need to go out and join a group to meet someone.”  There’s definite truth in that, but it often seems to get misinterpreted.

First, anyone who is joining a club or doing volunteering or things like that in order to find a boyfriend is bound to get disappointed.  With few exceptions, hooking people up in longterm monogamous relationships isn’t the mission of these groups.  They are usually social groups or fundraising groups; you might well expect to meet people (some of whom might have potential for dating), but being upset that you don’t end up in a relationship from the groups is problematic.

Second, these things take time.  I can’t speak for Ivan, of course, but I’ve seen people who join a group, come to a couple events, don’t get what their misset expectations wanted, and then drop out, all in a couple weeks.  Or I’ve seen people decide to take up sports activities: they take a couple short lessons, aren’t instantly experts, aren’t being continually asked to dance or winning races or whatever, and they stop coming, before they’ve really had a chance to meet people and grow into the new activity.  We’ve been led to demand immediate gratification, and to “change the channel” when we don’t get it.

Third, you get out of these groups what you put into them.  This is especially true with the social groups he mentioned (many of which in the gay community are aligned along sports or sexual fetish lines).  If you’re in a running club, you’ve got to go running to meet the people who run, to hang out with them, and to get to know them.  If you join a leather club, you’ve got to have an interest in leather and some of the associated sex activities, you have to go to their group functions, and you have to dive in there and meet people.  You don’t have to step up to a board position right off the bat, but you can bet there are tasks you could volunteer to help with.  If you aren’t being active in the group, the group won’t be active around you.

Thanks for doing your great columns, Glenn.
At least one person (Hi, Tom) knew that it was me who had written the letter, despite it only being signed in the paper with my first name.



Updated on March 12, 2003

Updated on September 7, 2010
 

God Help Us All


And with this, I’ve formally gone off the deep end and created a WebLog.  God help us all.  Every now and then, I visit other people’s WebLogs (like my friend Troy’s), and I finally decided it was time to put up a place where I can post my thought du jour.

This isn’t a journal (because I hate the word, and I’ll tell you why someday), and it sure as hell ain’t a diary.  Some of the content will have a political bent to it — given what’s in the news these days, can it help but be that way? — but I hope most of it will be lighter in tone.  Given the nature of the rest of this site, I’m sure a lot of it will have sexual overtones, too.  Titillate while you educate!

Time will tell whether I’ll update it daily or only once in a blue moon like the rest of this site.



Updated on June 22, 2010
  • Merged from old blog. 
  • Looks like Troy’s old blog is now an online placeholder for his resumé and portfolio, and has not been updated since 2007.

Tuesday, October 10, 2000

Coors Beer and the Gay Community


Long before I came out — perhaps even as early as age 14 or so — I knew that “You don’t drink Coors.”  I never knew why at that age, but I took it as gospel.  It wasn’t until a decade later that I learned that the proscription was linked to anti-gay activities on the company’s part, that no gay bar in the world served Coors.  Again, I accepted it as gospel that the company was simply bad.

I bet a lot of people did likewise.  And they still do today.

Another five or seven years down the line, I was working for a gay newspaper (OutNOW! in Silicon Valley; now defunct as a newspaper, but the name was later used for a magazine-type publication), and Coors started trying to do outreach to the gay community, trying to repair its damaged reputation.  (After all, with the gay community representing some 10% of the market — perhaps more, given disposable incomes and the strength of “the bar = the social arena” in the gay community — and with Coors being a distant third among the nation’s top breweries, writing off that segment of potential business is not the smartest idea.)

Actually, Coors had been making changes for some time before that.  They had established a gay and lesbian employee group.  They had instituted domestic partner benefits.  They had donated money to a handful of gay pride organizations and the like — those who would consider taking the money.  They had split the beer company off from both the brewing technologies and the Coors family’s foundation.

They had tried to make inroads with national gay organizations (I forget if it was the Human Rights Campaign Fund or the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force), but had been rebuffed.  “Everybody” knew that Coors was a hateful, right-wing, fundamentalist, anti-gay, yadda yadda yadda company, and the nationalgay organization (whichever one it was) wanted to see documentation detailing their giving to such causes.  Coors Brewing could not supply such documentation, claiming that it did not exist because they did not give such funds.  In light of what “everybody” knew, though, this merely proved that they were lying, withholding such info.  (Think about that logic a moment: we know you’re guilty, so any failure to prove your guilt means you are lying and thus proves your guilt.)

Now, what was the origin of the Coors boycott back in the 1970s?  Do you know?  I mean, do you really know?  Apparently the answer is two-fold.  First, the Coors management fought attempts to unionize its workers, and attempts at coalition building to combat this included pleas to the gay community and other perceived progressive groups.  Second and most important (as it pertains to the gay community, anyway), though, was Anita Bryant’s “Save Our Children” campaign.  In an article in San Francisco’s Bay Area Reporter, a writer listed a number of donors to Bryant’s campaign, including Coors.  The gay community was tossing out orange juice at the time, so this was all we needed to toss an entire brand of beer as well.  Unfortunately, the writer was wrong; Coors was not a donor to Bryant’s campaign, and the B.A.R. later printed a retraction.  Of course, retractions end up in small print, buried somehwere in the middle of the paper, and they never get quite the publicity that the original story does.

And thus the Coors boycott began, and took on a life of its own.  Today, it is even thought of in some circles as a legacy of Harvey Milk, sainted martyr of the gay community.  (Is the boycott something he supported and wanted to continue forever and ever amen?   Beats me.  But invoking Harvey’s name in conjunction with it has a way of shutting up the opposition: “If this is what [Saint] Harvey wanted, it must be true and good.”)

So now we come to today.  The boycott is still at least somewhat active in San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York, but at best sparsely held to in some other parts of the country.  A couple high-profile situations have hit the press regarding groups taking funds from Coors — like a Los Angeles gay community center — with major negative backlash (at least in San Francisco/Los Angeles/New York, if nowhere else).  A lot of energy has been expended by people who want to continue the boycott to find out who the majority stakeholders are in Coors, who the individuals give money to, how much, and so on, attempting to justify the boycott by showing us how bad (some of) the people who profit from Coors are.

The first questions I always ask when I see these reactions is “Who runs Miller and Budweiser, and where do their profits go?  Who are the majority stakeholders of Ford and Microsoft and Shell Oil and Nabisco?   Have you thoroughly researched the people who made your car, your computer, your toaster, your ballpoint pen and found out where they donate money?”

The follow-up question is “Can a company change?  Ever?  Or does its past taint it eternally?”  (And if so, how do you justify calling a man “gay” if he has ever, even once, had sex with a woman?  And can you justify that vacation you took to Germany, bastion of evil that it once was?)

It’s easy to target a company which has a long-running boycott against it, because those who are interested in seeing the boycott continue — and who and why would that be, hmm? — provide you all the info real easy.  (Or at least they provide you with the negative info, the info they want you to know.)

As my friend Alan observed, the real tragedy is not that some rodeo association or street fair or community center takes money from Coors, it’s that they take money from alcohol companies in the first place.  The big booze companies are so eager for our business that they will gladly give us sponsorship money, and we’re glad to take it, as though someone, anyone giving us money means we are recognized and that we have self-worth.

(Note: I don’t drink Coors — never have — and if I have a choice, I avoid Bud and Miller as well.  Life’s too short to drink industrial beer.)



Updated on December 16, 2009
A decade after writing this, Miller and Coors have merged.  Miller has long been a major supporter of gay events, so this undoubtedly really bothers some people.